Not good men to have on your side
1. The Phantom Injury Guy
Alerts everyone to the presence of some nagging but potentially damaging hamstring/calf/ankle injury just before a match. These 'injuries' will usually confound the various physiotherapists charged with looking at it. Will manfully play through the pain barrier but should he play badly will remind everyone at every turn that he was indeed playing through the pain barrier.
2. The Outside Of The Foot Guy
Has watched too many videos of Ciaran McDonald. Usually wears his socks up and operates at centre forward.
3. The Siblings Who Only Pass To Each Other
"He always goes to look for the brother..."
4. The Brilliant Lad Who Never Trains
The manager vows to the lads at training that this fella will not be starting the next day. He never keeps this promise
5. The Guy Who Requires Ankle Tape
Throw-in has to be halted for a few minutes as this player has to have some ankle tape
6. The Guy Who Fouls All The Time
Generally thinks that the referee is bluffing by carrying around a whistle the whole time. Mystified every time he is pulled for bear hugging someone onto the ground. Usually a corner back.
7. The Silage Lad
The critical game of the season is coming up, one lad (usually a dominant centre-back or another member of the team's hardy spine) is invariably unable to make the match because silage has to be made.
8. The Holiday Lad
Despite the fact that most U-14 and U-16 teams train from about April, the first round of the championship is usually played in mid-August. A chunk of your playing squad will miss the match because them and the family are gone off to Trabolgan/ Westport / Tramore that week
9. The Midfielder Who Can't Shoot But Does Regularly
Loves winding up for a shot, Unfortunately usually balloons the ball so wide it doesn't even go wide. Your opponents launch an attack from the resultant line ball
10. The Manager/selector's son
Always winds up on the team-sheet. Dips in form are usually overlooked
11. The Lad Who Can't Hand-pass The Ball
Rather than a firm fist pass into someone's chest, he generally opts to hit a dinky, awkward foot-pass from 5 yards
12. The Goalkeeper Who Thinks He's Cluxton
Hyper-competitive, clenched jaw, usually squirting water into the corner of his mouth, then slapping on the top of the bottle and firing it towards the back-stantion of the goal, always running up for free kicks, never speaking to the local paper guy...
13. The Soccer player
Drops in a few exotic looking shimmies and jinks not often seen on a Gaelic football pitch. The shirt is either not tucked in or only partially tucked in. He also has a cavalier, non-fundamentalist attitude to the idea of going down on the ball
14. The Guy Who's Always Late
Has never ran two laps of the pitch, has never done a warm-up before a match. Usually runs out fiddling with his shorts
15. The Full Back Who Doesn't Believe In Possession Football
Closes his eyes when kicking the ball. Fists are only for boxing. Arse is usually the most prominent part of his anatomy.
16. The Guy Who Always Mucks Up Drills
Do 20 press-ups there
17. The Lad Who Can't Solo The Ball
His solos tend to resemble garryowens more than solos. Prone to neck injuries from craning his neck waiting for the ball to come down. A predominantly underage phenomenon.
18. The Guy Who Doesn't Care Whether Ye Win or Lose
Sits on the edge of the subs bench laughing and joking with the other subs. Would be severely alarmed if asked to warm up during the game. Lucky Trevor Francis isn't a Gaelic Football manager
19. The Brainless Quick Lad
Has a remarkable flair for discovering dead ends. Tragically often gets on a lot of ball.
20. The Lad Who Only Turns Up For The Final
A shameless individual.