Golf

10 Things Everybody Who Has Played Pitch And Putt Knows To Be True

10 Things Everybody Who Has Played Pitch And Putt Knows To Be True

Almost everyone spent one summer in their early teens where every spare hour was devoted to the noble sport of pitch and putt. It is not a sport which offers the promise of great financial reward should one become proficient but the rivalries are no less intense. Some of our greatest hours were spent on the local pitch and putt course. As were some of our most frustrating days.

With summer beginning to loom large, here are 10 things everybody who has played pitch and putt knows to be true.

1. Fags

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70% of pitch n' putt players use the hurling grip, take no practice swings and only hit the ball when they have a fag in their mouth.

2. Just because you're on the green after two doesn't mean you wont be off it again after three

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3. The strut

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For many young lads of the hardy bucks variety the greatest pleasure was to be had strutting through the town with your 9-iron slung over the back like a hard bastard.

4. If you forgot your own putter you had a ready made excuse

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'The fuckin' pencil putter piece of shit I'm after renting out is fuckin' useless'

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5. To play regularly you had to be under 16 or over 61

There aren't many other places in modern life where teenage boys and elderly women interact so freely.

6. If there was no one else on the course, you could turn it into a game of golf

'Right, we'll go third tee to fifteenth green. Par 5'

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7. If you hit 68, it is not +14 over par, it is -4 under par

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- You hit -4 under! How many twos did you get?

- None. We were playing par 4s

8. The young lad who can drive the ball farthest is invariably the worst putter

On the green in one. Shame about the five-putt.

9. There's always one lad who plays on his own, and nonchalantly hits every tee shot stone dead 

He's a wizard at spinning the ball to within two inches of the hole. Plays with the speed of someone who needs to get home very quickly.

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10. You will play with one shit lad who will claim to better at golf

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See also: The Delayed Twitter Reaction To Craggy Island's 2-1 Win Over Rugged Island 
Conor Neville
Article written by
Perennial finalist in stand-up comedy competitions and former Contract Lawyer/ Coal Salesman with Corless, Corless and Sweeney

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