There's little surprise when opening the shop.pga.com website to see very little Ryder Cup merch for our Europeans.
In fact, there's such a small representation that one can only buy hats. That's right, no t-shirts, no jackets, no club covers. Just hats.
Over on the United States' side of things, it's merch aplenty. However, the Americans do a great job of coming up with awful looking stuff.
So what can you buy for your dollars and shipping to match? Hear chants of U-S-A drown your ears as you feast your eyes on this lot.
1 - Steal The Show At The Poker Table
That's right - the award for 'we're going to have boxes of these lying around when it's all said and done' goes to the Ryder Cup poker chips. For just $11.99, you could be the 'royal flush' of your friend's poker night or end up flushing these bad boys down the toilet.
2 - A Golfer In The Sheets
You can't hold these guys down. They want you to know they represent the very essence of the star spangled banner, from head to toe to the jocks. To make matters worse, they are 'almost gone' on the PGA shop's website. Yikes.
3 - The Coin Of All Coins
Did you stop sleeping in your parents bedroom recently? Well, we've got just the piece for you. $11.99 will get you this 'Commemorative Coin' which will bring back all the memories. Look at that wonderful view. Only a coin would do it proper justice.
4 - Hats Off To This Monstrosity
The British have ruined the bucket hat for me. They've been over worn at music festivals by 20 somethings lads who are too confident in themselves. The Ryder Cup bucket hat, however, looks like it might be a prop in an American Revolution memoir. $29.99.
5 - Clip This
This has 'I'm 60 something and I still don't have a credit card' energy written all over it. This leather money clip will set you back $17.99, and is perfect for stashing all the cash you've won on the golf course in bets with your mates. Said no one ever.
6 - My Chemical Bromance
Take it or leave it, but for $27.99 you too can still listen to Fall Out Boys and be proud of it. Peep the 'almost gone' towards the bottom left there that I left in on purpose. What offends me most about this is how it's titled as a 'new era' design. If we were in 2004.
7 - Baby It's Cold Outside
Ah, the snowy Wisconsin weather in September. You might break this bad boy out for shoveling every winter, or driving that snow plow of yours. Sure it's only sitting there waiting to be used. You've spent $30 on worse.
8 - Halloween Is Fast Approaching
Want to look extra spooky on October 31st? Get a load of these. Thank god these are made for youths now, but for $39.50 you could have your son or daughter ready for the big day. Just put on a Padraig Harrington mask and that's them set.