If one was to condense my entire reaction to the Conor McGregor saga into one short sentence it would be 'Hahahahahahahaha .... wait, what!?' I'm guessing I'm not alone in that response.
My first instinct was to completely rip the piss out of the speculation, given that at the time it seemed as if McGregor was just having a laugh. Hence I decided to propose a ridiculous conspiracy theory, based on the UFC champ's most recent follows. Namely, Conor McGregor joining the WWE!
— Mark Farrelly (@MarkFarrelly131) April 19, 2016
This morning, despite everything that has happened since, that conspiracy theory isn't any more likely to be true but fuck it, I'm running with it anyway!
So here's how I think they could do it.
For those of you who have a vague interest in the goings on in the WWE you may be aware that Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows recently made a big debut. This pair had previously been a mainstay of the Bullet Club faction in New Japan Pro Wrestling. A faction started and led by Wicklowman Fergal Devitt, who is currently ripping it up under the name 'Finn Balor' in the WWE's developmental brand NXT.
To add further layers to the story, when Devitt left NJPW, a wrestler by the name of AJ Styles took over leadership of the Bullet Club. Styles is now also with the WWE and is in fact facing Roman Reigns for the WWE World Heavyweight title at the end of the month. On this week's Raw, Styles was reunited with his former teammates, who then attacked Roman Reigns.
Is AJ Styles reforming the Bullet Club, with himself as leader? It seems not. He swore innocence!
So who is the leader of the Bullet Club? Every wrestling fan worth their snout is guessing that Finn Balor will soon be revealed as the one true commander but what if it's some one else? What if the WWE do indeed tease the fact that a high-flying, dynamic Irishman is behind Anderson and Gallows' recent assault on the WWE champion and that this Irishman is coming for his crown.
Everyone sits with bated breath waiting on the arrival of Finn Balor. The lights drop, the music comes on and....Jesus Christ On Joseph's Bike it's CONOR MCFUCKINGGREGOR!
Can you believe it! JBL, Michael Cole and special guest commentator Jimmy Magee lose their absolute shit! Layfield says this is the greatest day for Ireland since he tweeted about their Six Nation's win, Magee quickly compares him to the all-time greats - 'The Fit Finlays, the Ultimate Warriors, the Bret Harts; this kid could toe-to-toe with the best of them I tell ye!'
However, Jerry Lawlor hates The Notorious.
Backed by his new Bullet Club brethren, McGregor wins the WWE title, Anderson and Gallows secure the tag titles and they hint at a new member that will soon join their stable.
At Summerslam, Zack Ryder is forced to drop out of a Fatal Fourway match for the Intercontinental Championship after he was attacked by the trio. His place in the match is taken by a surprise entrant. The newest addition to the Bullet Club. Paddy Barnes!
[Author's note: Paddy Barnes is the most recent person Conor McGregor has followed on Twitter so this is on the only reasonable explanation.]
His entrance obviously includes an 'Open for sponsorship' placard.
Barnes knocks out the Miz with his finishing move, The Barnstormer, but just as he's about to win the match, Finn Balor comes out and attacks Barnes! McGregor, Anderson and Gallows come running down but OH MA GAWD! Anderson and Gallows turn on McGregor and three old friends beat the crap out of him. 'This reminds me of the 1986 Community Games!' says Magee.
Balor assumes leadership of the Bullet Club again, Barnes leaves the WWE and promptly wins an Olympic Gold in Rio, and poor McGregor is all alone. All alone against three beasts incarnate.
Or is he?...
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!
IT'S CM PUNK
The three former UFC fighters unite to defeat the Bullet Club and everyone lives happily ever after.
Now that I've thought this through I've decided that there is no way this won't happen. It's not a matter of 'if' it's merely a matter of 'when.'