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Ranking The 13 Best Patron Saints In Order of Usefulness To Irish People

Mark Farrelly
By Mark Farrelly
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13. Thomas of Green - Patron saint of sensitive knees

We're a very sporty country and in particular, GAA can be a sport which takes no prisoners. Many a knee has fallen victim to hard ground in the height of summer or even worse, a skinning on the dreaded all-weather pitches in the depths of winter.

12. St Clare of Assisi - Patron saint of television writers

Because where would Ireland be without Love/Hate? Or Fair City for that matter...

11. St Joseph -  Patron saint against doubt, against hesitation, dying people, expectant mothers, happy death, holy death, interior souls, people in doubt, people who fight communism, pioneers, pregnant women, travellers, and fetuses

Joseph makes the list purely on the basis that he covers so many areas. Think you procrastinate too much? Joe is the man to get onto. Beginning to doubt yourself lately? Talk to St Joseph.

Leading the fight against communism? He's got your back!

10. St Clotilde - Disappointed children

The good saint Clotilde has come to more prominence in Ireland since the Celtic Tiger ended. Gone are the days of Super Sweet 16th's featuring on MTV, new cars for their 18th or kids being brought skiing 17 times a year.

9. St Jude - Lost causes

A favourite saint of many an Irish mother, St Jude is usually referenced in a humourous manner when someone hasn't live up to academic or professional expectation. e.g.

How's Martin gettin' on?

Oh that lad? We may get on to St Jude about him.

8. St Berlinda of Meerbeke - Cattle diseases

Solely responsible for the demise of foot and mouth, TB, mad cow disease, red water and currently fight the good fight against mastitis.

7. St Cajetan - Unemployed people


Like St Clotilde, St Cajeton's usefulness has grown a lot over the past eight years. He's slowly beginning to get his act in gear but it's about bloody time.


6.  St Quentin - Patron saint of coughs and sneezes

There's a bug goin' round ye know ... If flat 7Up doesn't cure it then St Quentin might be the man. Ranked third to Lemsip and hot whiskey in a Forbes' list of best cures for the common cold.

5. Chad - Patron saint of defeats and losers

This lad is supposed to help us get over the Scotland game; the New Zealand game; the Italy game in 1990, the Holland game in 94. This Chad lad is ranked so highly because it sounds like we'd need him a lot but you ask me he has been much use!

4.  St Bibiana - Hangovers

Her business will exploding these days. The Christmas period and St Bibiana go hand-in-hand.


3. St Matthew - Bankers

He's divil for slacking on the job. St Matthew still ranks a no.3 but he has serious explaining to do after the travesty of the last decade. Must work harder.

2. St Sebaldus - Patron saint against cold weather

If you're seeking the help of St Quentin you can be pretty sure St Sebaldus is the man to blame. We're promised more weather than ever this winter and there's going to be a responsibility falling on this lad to keep the bite from the door.

We don't want a repeat of 1963 Seb! Where were you then!?


1. St Anthony - Patron saint of things that are lost

By a long distance, the runaway winner. In fact, the cynics out there may argue that the entire concept of this post was just some sort of veneer to allow someone to work up an article around St Anthony.

He is kept busy on a daily basis, searching for keys, phones, wallets, cheques – the whole shabang! He seems to have a special bond with Irish grannies and together their powers could turn up a needle in even the largest of haystacks

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