My advice to any of you would be, don't make the same mistake I did, by reading this post directly after eating your lunch.
The lovely folks at Sunday Sport have this delightful story about a man who put so many loom bands around his penis that its head burst. Must I go on?
I'd a bit of cider and looked at this bag of loom bands. The idea suddenly cameinto my head — 'Put one around your gentleman.'
It was a tight fit but it went on.
Anyway, like a box of Pringles, I'd popped and I couldn't stop. To be honest I was quite chuffed with myself when I realised there were 27 bands around my knob.
Yes, quite chuffed.
The plot then took a violent twist when his penis started to throb. He had could off the blood supply (I'm about to throw up, typing this) and his 'bellend' was swelling at a rapid pace. He tried and tried to get them off; even attempting to burn them off with a lighter but to no avail.
Actually, do you know what? I can't read any more of this. The full article is here if you want to have a goo at it. I'm out! Sorry about that.
Hat-tip: Louise McSherry