As we get ready for the 30th edition of WWE WrestleMania on Sunday 6th April (along with the WWE WrestleMania 30 Party in Woolshed Baa & Grill), Rick Nash is on hand to take a light-hearted and occasionally insightful look at previous milestone editions of 'The Grand-Daddy of 'Em All', starting with the 10th Anniversary, WrestleMania X. Feel free to re-live the experience with him via the YouTube video above.
- Glory, tradition, heritage, legacy, B-list celebrities...as that mysterious golden coin dissolves from a 10-year video highlight package into a WrestleMania logo, all of the above words are somewhat applicable. Wait, Vince McMahon is in the Madison Square Garden ring to open the show. Add 'Just For Men' to that list. The show opens with Little Richard singing 'America The Beautiful', because Vince wanted to get someone 'current' for the gig. At the ripe age of 62, he enters the ring with a Beetlejuice-like glow to him. This was 20 years ago and that guy is still alive. Respect. That's not something that you can say about many of the participants in tonight's show.
Owen Hart over Bret Hart
- Sadly, we kick off with one such participant, as a Coliseum Home Video package brings us to how the late Owen Hart ended up squaring off with his brother Bret in our opening contest.
- Owen establishes his newfound mean streak by ripping up a pair of sunglasses, in contrast with Bret giving them to a child at ringside. They didn't have any concept of 'stranger danger' back in 1994. These days it'd be viewed as grooming.
- A master of the little things and bringing doses of hilarity to a heated grudge match, Owen opens by locking up, breaking the lock-up and celebrating as if he'd won an Olympic gold medal. It's instantly clear to all who inherited the charismatic gene in the family.
- Look I can't honestly say that I'm a big Bret fan. You can't but admire his technique in the ring, but once the bell rings in his matches I'm instantly rooting for a screwjob finish.
- Vince and Jerry 'The King' Lawler were a short-lived but quality commentary team, if for the wrong reasons. Vince channels his inner-Jamie Redknapp in remarking that Owen "kicked Bret from the ring, literally", as opposed to, you know, metaphorically kicking someone from the ring. Lawler makes tasteless Hart family jokes that simply wouldn't fly these days.
- I genuinely did not mean that last sentence to sound the way it did when I typed it. I am so, so sorry.
- I like to think that if Owen Hart were around today and hit someone with a zinger during a promo, he'd yell, "YOU JUST GOT OWENED!" Only he could make it both cheesy funny and bad ass at the same time. Nothing to do with anything, I just spend my day thinking of stuff like this and thought I'd share.
- Bret counters Owen's Sharpshooter with one of his own, before Owen countered a victory roll in the corner attempt with a pin for the 1-2-3, marking him out as the better sibling despite the company's insistence on pushing his brother to the top. Prophetic.
- WWE peppered classic WrestleMania moments throughout the show, as a way of marking the milestone. The problem was by that stage there had only been about five legitimate WrestleMania moments. So they settled for Gorilla Monsoon saying "And who can forget the Battle Royal (from WrestleMania 2)" and moving swiftly onwards as all of the viewing audience realised they had, in fact, forgotten the Battle Royal from WrestleMania 2.
Mixed Tag-Team Match: Bam Bam Bigelow & Luna Vachon over Doink & Dink
- Bigelow and Luna come to the ring accompanied by the former's 'theme song', which is just him shouting "BAM BAM!" over some bass for two minutes. Without fact-checking, an educated guess leaves me certain that he made it himself then intimidated Jim Johnston into using it.
- WWE's 1994 match rules are about as sophisticated as their theme songs, and about as politically correct as their Presidential impersonators: the rules of mixed tags in 1994 apparently dictated the men wrestle men, and if a midget wrestler tagged in then so, thus, must a woman.
- The match itself consists of Bigelow and Luna jumping around selling offence for Dink as we used to on the Irish independent scene whenever we'd let a young fan play around in the ring: "Oh no! You gave me a weak push! For some reason I am now having a heart attack!"
- The match ended with Bam Bam hitting a diving headbutt on Doink for the win. A year later, he'd go onto main event WrestleMania XI. Of course he did.
- After the bell, Dink would get kicked by Luna Vachon but messed up the end spot were he was supposed to move and avoid a double splash from her and Bam Bam, getting nailed in the head for his troubles. You can hear Vince's teeth gnashing on commentary. This match only served to establish that: 1) apparently it's not easier to dodge a simple spot if you're half the size of a normal wrestler; 2) clowns aren't popular after all, going by the audience's reaction afterwards; and 3) somehow all of this mess can still land you in the main event of the next WrestleMania.
- Next up was a shot of a Bill Clinton lookalike in the crowd waving to fans as Vince yells "Oh my goodness!" about how anything can happen at WrestleMania. Yeah, and anybody can have 'President Clinton' show up at their birthday party for the reasonable sum of $75 plus transport.
Falls Count Anywhere: 'Macho Man' Randy Savage over Crush
- Next up is the most poorly conceived stipulation in the history of pro-wrestling. The rules for this 'Falls Count Anywhere' match stipulate that wrestlers can pin each other anywhere in the building, and once pinned a competitor has 60 seconds to return to the ring. This convoluted idea eventually, somehow, spawned two entertaining future stipulation matches that actually worked: a 'Last Man Standing' match (you lose if you can't respond to a 10-count) and an actual 'Falls Count Anywhere' match (you pin your opponent anywhere and win).
- Not only were the stipulations too confusing to generate any meaningful reaction from the MSG crowd, but they were also a damn dirty lie! Falls didn't, in fact, count anywhere. By virtue of your opponent having to return to the ring after being pinned, it meant you couldn't pin someone in the ring. So falls, in fact, count anywhere except for the one place falls always count!!!! This genius brainwave led to an early exchange were Savage hit a move on Crush, then had to roll him outside the ring to pin him and start the countdown!
- 'Macho Man' Randy Savage was one of the best of all-time. He deserved better than this.
- The finish was as convoluted and poorly executed as the match itself. Having brawled to the backstage area, Macho Man pinned Crush then attempted to hog tie him to a machine placed conveniently behind the curtain. Of course, Crush would almost immediately fall down and negate any point of being hogtied, but Savage just wanted to get it over with at this stage and returned to the ring to end this sorry mess.
- Meanwhile, in case anyone was in doubt over whether President Clinton was really in the crowd, an interview with Todd Pettengill revealed that the cheap lookalike couldn't even master a spoken word attempt at one of the most easily impersonated Presidents of all-time. After this appearance, his booking rates plummeted to $40, transport and a handjob (that's a part of the act). The most convincing part of this mess came when he started demanding, off-mic, that Pettengill give him Sunny's number because he's the commander-in-chief damnit!
Women's Championship Match: Alundra Blayze over Lelani Kai to retain
- This match would take place a year-and-a-half before Blayze would famously jump to WCW and put her WWF Women's Championship belt in the bin. Though many would claim that the quality of this match was a symbolic equivalent of binning the belt anyway.
- Ever the champion of treating women wrestlers as seriously as their male counterparts, Jerry Lawler noted at ringside that Alundra had "a million dollar body and a $10 face."
- It was a short-lived contest that saw Blayze end it with a German Suplex, as WWE threw to ringside to find legends like Captain Lou Albano creeping on the women, while pioneer women's wrestlers The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young looked on. Mae was 71 at the time. Seven years later she would appear topless on WWE television and give birth to a hand. It's like seeing pictures of someone you'd just met at the start of a piss-up, back when you thought they were a respectable human being and before everything got a little messy.
- Moolah and Mae have both sadly passed since, but urban legend reports that part of their souls died while sitting ringside here and looking at how all that they had worked their entire lives for counted for naught.
- Backstage, Rhonda Shear (Wikipedia tells me she's an American television personality, comedian, actress and Playboy model) is fawning over Shawn Michaels, until Burt Reynolds comes along and takes the girl. It was worthwhile of WWE, moments before Michaels competed in one of the most historic matches in the company's history, to establish that he was a nobody in the grand scheme of things compared to a Hollywood actor. Because lord knows that this night, as with any night, is all about Burt Reynolds.
Tag-Team Championship Match: Men On A Mission over The Quebecers to retain
- Next up, Men On A Mission (Mo and the recently deceased Mabel) made their way to the ring adorned in their trademark pyjamas and being rapped to a cheap knock-off of 'Whoomp There It Is' by manager Oscar. That's right, there's a cheap version of 'Whoomp There It Is'. As you can tell, WWE in 1994 weren't known for soft strokes. It's crazy to think that, back then, they saw black wrestlers and saddled them with a lazy, stereotypical rap gimmick that saw them dance to the ring and rattle off some cheesy catchphrase. Thank god we live in 2014 and don't have to put up with this kind of blatant disregard of political correctness anymore...
- ...
- So the black rappers wrestled the Canadian mounties while the drunken Irish and efficient Germans waited keenly in the wings for the right to face the winners and be racially denigrated on international television. High stakes stuff this...
- Mabel, under this or his later Viscera/Big Daddy V monikers, was always hit with the back-handed compliment that he was athletic for a guy who, if he wasn't a pro-wrestler, would be crying to Jerry Springer asking to be saved from his mountainous weight. He was the real-life embodiment of Gorgeous George from Snatch.
- In another pitifully bad contest, the finish came when Mo jumped onto Mabel's back, causing him to fall on Pierre, resulting in a count-out that allowed Men On A Mission to retain their belts. I think this undercard is what directly caused MSG to become the type of crowd that rioted whenever being fed piss-poor material.
WWE Championship Match: Yokozuna over Lex Luger by disqualification
- The next contest saw aforementioned Playboy bunny Rhonda Shears at ringside for bell-ringing duties and Donnie Wahlberg get booed out of the building while being special guest ring announcer. The New York faithful did, however, exhibit their much-heralded good taste by cheering the return of 'Mr Perfect' Curt Hennig, who would be special guest referee for the contest, adorned in a zebra-coloured onesie especially for the occasion.
- 'Made In The USA' Lex Luger was WWE's take-two at replacing Hulk Hogan, with The Ultimate Warrior experiment by this stage proving an abysmal failure after the latter's superfluous contract demands and reported steroid use made his position with the company untenable (He's to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year). Unfortunately despite much effort (they even gave him a bus, damnit!), Lex was more style than substance, which led us to this situation: WWE had both he and Bret Hart win the 1994 Royal Rumble and compete for the title in separate matches tonight. In much the same way as fans today have decided they prefer Daniel Bryan and CM Punk to the prototypical 'faces of WWE' like John Cena and Randy Orton, it became evident that WWE needed to move away from the All-American, muscle-head, hero as their champion. This match, and this night, was the start of that major shift. Ah, the more things change...
- For his own part, Yokozuna did his best holding the fort given that he was saddled with a sumo wrestler gimmick, despite being Samoan. His reign had to endure four over-booked title matches at back-to-back WrestleManias, and he had to deal with stupid storylines like beating Hulk Hogan for the belt after an evil Japanese photographer blasted a fireball at Hulkster.
- In a finish so convoluted (that word keeps cropping up) it could only happen in a Yokozuna title match, after spending about 14 minutes in a Trap Lock, Luger did his own version of 'Hulking Up' (an essential part of any early 90's babyface main eventer's repertoire), before again channeling Hogan with a bodyslam of an unnaturally large man. He followed up by hitting Yoko with his patented forearm finish, as Yokozuna's management team Mr Fuji and Jim Cornette jumped up on the apron in protest. Luger would lay out both, in the process apparently confusing the hell out of Mr Perfect, who walked around the ring in shock as Luger covered Yokozuna and begged Hennig to count the pin. In frustration, he shoved the special ref, who promptly disqualified him. And that's how the Lex Express came to a screeching halt.
- Backstage, Luger and Hennig had a shouting match with Lex yelling "That's bogus and you know it!" repeatedly. Is anything more 90's than the word 'bogus'?
Earthquake over Adam Bomb
- In the ring, the freshly-toupeed Howard Finkel introduced future WWE Women's Champion, Harvey Wippleman, who labelled The Fink an "ugly, stupid, bald-headed, monkey-faced, big-eared, banana-nosed piece of New York garbage". In response, The Fink shoved him down with the kind of push that makes you doubt how much he even watched wrestling for all his years at ringside.
- Adam Bomb then ran down to defend his manager, only to be affronted by Earthquake, who pinned him quickly in a match that has already had more words written about it here than it deserves.
- Backstage, Jim Cornette told Lex Luger (by way of Todd Pettengill) that "In the immortal worlds of philosopher Ian Anderson, he who may made kittens puts snakes in the grass". Cornette is a fantastic mouthpiece, but sometimes he may talk above his audience's head. They think that's Bill Clinton watching in the crowd, pal, you're going to have to dumb it down a bit there. "BANZAI!" yells Yokozuna after Cornette's rant about how he'll retain the title against Bret Hart later. And it's all the crowd will probably remember about that interview.
Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship: Razor Ramon over Shawn Michaels to become the new IC champion
- Now enough messing. This is more like it.
- Razor Ramon ducked underneath the ladder as he made his entrance to the ring. Before he did so, he'd been sober for 241 days. Oh Scott, you just don't help yourself...
- It wasn't long before Diesel (Kevin Nash) was ejected from ringside by the referee. I think the official reason given was, "in case he ruined it."
- Though relatively tame by today's standards, this match set the benchmark for all future ladder matches, and some of the innovations these two added to a simple concept are still unmatched (Michaels getting whipped into the ladder and bumping out of the ring; getting seismic-tossed into the ladder then the momentum of the ropes knocking him back down; Razor suplexing Shawn off the ladder then falling down with it, etc). It wasn't, however, the first ever ladder match on WWE television as often reported. That took place in 1992 between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart.
- Only Shawn Michaels could wrestle one of the all-time classic matches and still take time to get his arse out.
- Vince McMahon's "Unbelievable! Un-bel-ievable!" call following Michaels' splash from the top of the ladder has gone down as one of the classic wrestling calls. However the shine is taken off somewhat when you consider that he used the exact same term to describe a fake Bill Clinton sitting in the crowd.
- In one of the most original finishes of all-time, Shawn Michaels got his foot stuck in the ring ropes after being shoved off the ladder, only to release himself and get his arm promptly stuck, allowing Razor to pick up the victory. Like all great wrestling matches, though, nobody views this in a winner-loser context these days, as both men combined equally to put on a legendary bout that only enhanced both's reputations.
- Back to the Presidential box and this time Clinton was confronted by Ted DiBiase, who said that "Everyone's got a price for the Million Dollar Man". 'Clinton' replied by saying he didn't want to take any political questions. But he didn't ask you a question? Somehow he comes off doing a better impersonation of George W Bush than Bill Clinton.
- Meanwhile, WWE tried to big up Bret Hart for his Championship match by giving him a Rocky-like montage. This, of course, featured a close-up black-and-white shot of an elderly man (his father Stu) shouting motivational stuff at him at the kitchen table, then a lot of slowed-down then speeded-up footage of him doing moves and cheesy gestures to camera. They also gave Yokozuna his share, meaning a lot of shots of him sitting on people looking evil. It's pretty much as bad as you're imagining right now.
WWE Championship Match: Bret Hart over Yokozuna to win WWE Championship
- Because there hadn't been enough awkward celeb cameos thus far, WWE decided to give Burt Reynolds a try as guest ring announcer in front of an unimpressed MSG crowd. Nope, these people either hadn't seen or cared for 'Deliverence' or 'Smokey and the Bandit'. But you know what movie they had seen? 'They Live', as they went crazy for the surprise introduction of special guest referee, 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper. Reynolds decided to editorialise during Bret's intro, saying "Hailing from Montreal, Canada, and in my opinion the greatest wrestler in the world today. You know, that gets thrown out a lot, certainly Ric Flair would have a case for it, Shawn Michaels is unstoppable right now too...I mean did you see that match just there?!" Shut up Burt Reynolds.
- Fortunately, Yokozuna jumped Bret at the bell and Reynolds promptly took his queue.
- For such a big lad, Yokozuna sure had a weakness for fairly rudimentary stuff like forearms and axe handles. But I'll tell you what: nobody could miss an easy standing headbutt to a prone opponent, fall right on his face and take it like a champ as much as that guy.
- Piper's refereeing style was as unique as his personality. When trying to admonish an opponent, he'd simply start shouting numbers regardless of whether they were breaking rules or not. "Get back and I'll count him out," he says to Yoko at one stage. "Get back or I'll...1, 2, 3, 4..."
- Refereeing isn't an easy job, though, as even the best can find out. Two close near falls were ruined by Piper finding himself in a quandary that every beginner trainee who's learning how to ref finds himself in: it's not natural to just stop your hand counting down when a guy lifts his shoulder up. Do it wrong and it looks like you just suffered a temporary bout of amnesia, as the crowd think "Huh?!" as if a mess-up has happened. So it kinda spoiled two convincing near falls that Hart had towards the end.
- Eventually Yokozuna got back on top, ascending to the second rope in an attempt to hit a Banzai Drop. Unfortunately he paused to celebrate and fell on his head. All of a sudden, Bret Hart is the WWE Champion and a new era in pro-wrestling is born. Look, sometimes it doesn't matter how new eras are born, the end result is all that matters. If we had Sky News while watching The Berlin Wall being ripped down we'd have probably flicked because, at the end of the day, no matter how momentous it is, it's still a wall being ripped down. So I'm fine with forgetting all about that finish and focusing on the positive.
- After the bell, Yokozuna went to chase Piper for counting the three. Fortunately for Piper, Yoko only ran that fast for a buffet line, so he escaped.
- Bret gets up to celebrate with his newly-won belt, only to find Lex Luger standing in the ring behind him. The two shake hands and the steroid era of pro-wrestling is officially over. Afterwards the entire good guy locker room empties as Bret celebrates with Luger, Razor Ramon, Savage, Piper, Gorilla Monsoon and Burt Reynolds, as his brother Owen looked on from the sidelines. Jealous brother at ringside or not, if I was Bret I'd still be thinking, "Man, how cool is it that Burt freaking Reynolds is here to see my big moment?"
And there you have it. Look, let's not let nostalgia get in the way of common sense: most of that was awful. There were two all-time classics and an important historical turning point for pro-wrestling to round it off, so WrestleMania X will always go down as important in the annals of pro-wrestling. But moreso than being one of the great WrestleManias, it's more an interesting snapshot right into a transitional phase in WWE's timeline. Hogan was gone, there was no instant heir able to sit on his throne so, in the vacuum that came with the departure of the company's first true mega-star under Vince McMahon Jr, they turned to throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what stuck. A lot of stuff didn't: Randy Savage's perfect streak of WrestleMania classic matches was not only ended, it was left in tatters thanks to an unworkable match concept.
But gradually WWE started to follow the stuff that hit. This led to Shawn Michaels' and Bret Hart's long-standing in- and out-of-ring feud. That begat Stone Cold Steve Austin and WWE's most popular period. So ultimately it was worth sitting through the crap.
Join me next week to find out how the lay of the land was a decade later, at WWE's next big milestone: WrestleMania XX. And if you know how that ended, then yeah, a column making jokes about it could get awkward, fast.
Rick Nash is a former independent pro-wrestler and currently runs WWE Parties Ireland, who present the WWE WrestleMania 30 Party @ Woolshed Baa & Grill on Sunday 6th April. Limited tickets still available (click the link for full info). Check out an ad below for a preview of what's in store!
WWE Championship Match: Yokozuna over Lex Luger by disqualification
- The next contest saw aforementioned Playboy bunny Rhonda Shears at ringside for bell-ringing duties and Donnie Wahlberg get booed out of the building while being special guest ring announcer. The New York faithful did, however, exhibit their much-heralded good taste by cheering the return of 'Mr Perfect' Curt Hennig, who would be special guest referee for the contest, adorned in a zebra-coloured onesie especially for the occasion.
- 'Made In The USA' Lex Luger was WWE's take-two at replacing Hulk Hogan, with The Ultimate Warrior experiment by this stage proving an abysmal failure after the latter's superfluous contract demands and reported steroid use made his position with the company untenable (He's to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year). Unfortunately despite much effort (they even gave him a bus, damnit!), Lex was more style than substance, which led us to this situation: WWE had both he and Bret Hart win the 1994 Royal Rumble and compete for the title in separate matches tonight. In much the same way as fans today have decided they prefer Daniel Bryan and CM Punk to the prototypical 'faces of WWE' like John Cena and Randy Orton, it became evident that WWE needed to move away from the All-American, muscle-head, hero as their champion. This match, and this night, was the start of that major shift. Ah, the more things change...
- For his own part, Yokozuna did his best holding the fort given that he was saddled with a sumo wrestler gimmick, despite being Samoan. His reign had to endure four over-booked title matches at back-to-back WrestleManias, and he had to deal with stupid storylines like beating Hulk Hogan for the belt after an evil Japanese photographer blasted a fireball at Hulkster.
- In a finish so convoluted (that word keeps cropping up) it could only happen in a Yokozuna title match, after spending about 14 minutes in a Trap Lock, Luger did his own version of 'Hulking Up' (an essential part of any early 90's babyface main eventer's repertoire), before again channeling Hogan with a bodyslam of an unnaturally large man. He followed up by hitting Yoko with his patented forearm finish, as Yokozuna's management team Mr Fuji and Jim Cornette jumped up on the apron in protest. Luger would lay out both, in the process apparently confusing the hell out of Mr Perfect, who walked around the ring in shock as Luger covered Yokozuna and begged Hennig to count the pin. In frustration, he shoved the special ref, who promptly disqualified him. And that's how the Lex Express came to a screeching halt.
- Backstage, Luger and Hennig had a shouting match with Lex yelling "That's bogus and you know it!" repeatedly. Is anything more 90's than the word 'bogus'?
Earthquake over Adam Bomb
- In the ring, the freshly-toupeed Howard Finkel introduced future WWE Women's Champion, Harvey Wippleman, who labelled The Fink an "ugly, stupid, bald-headed, monkey-faced, big-eared, banana-nosed piece of New York garbage". In response, The Fink shoved him down with the kind of push that makes you doubt how much he even watched wrestling for all his years at ringside.
- Adam Bomb then ran down to defend his manager, only to be affronted by Earthquake, who pinned him quickly in a match that has already had more words written about it here than it deserves.
- Backstage, Jim Cornette told Lex Luger (by way of Todd Pettengill) that "In the immortal worlds of philosopher Ian Anderson, he who may made kittens puts snakes in the grass". Cornette is a fantastic mouthpiece, but sometimes he may talk above his audience's head. They think that's Bill Clinton watching in the crowd, pal, you're going to have to dumb it down a bit there. "BANZAI!" yells Yokozuna after Cornette's rant about how he'll retain the title against Bret Hart later. And it's all the crowd will probably remember about that interview.
Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship: Razor Ramon over Shawn Michaels to become the new IC champion
- Now enough messing. This is more like it.
- Razor Ramon ducked underneath the ladder as he made his entrance to the ring. Before he did so, he'd been sober for 241 days. Oh Scott, you just don't help yourself...
- It wasn't long before Diesel (Kevin Nash) was ejected from ringside by the referee. I think the official reason given was, "in case he ruined it."
- Though relatively tame by today's standards, this match set the benchmark for all future ladder matches, and some of the innovations these two added to a simple concept are still unmatched (Michaels getting whipped into the ladder and bumping out of the ring; getting seismic-tossed into the ladder then the momentum of the ropes knocking him back down; Razor suplexing Shawn off the ladder then falling down with it, etc). It wasn't, however, the first ever ladder match on WWE television as often reported. That took place in 1992 between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart.
- Only Shawn Michaels could wrestle one of the all-time classic matches and still take time to get his arse out.
- Vince McMahon's "Unbelievable! Un-bel-ievable!" call following Michaels' splash from the top of the ladder has gone down as one of the classic wrestling calls. However the shine is taken off somewhat when you consider that he used the exact same term to describe a fake Bill Clinton sitting in the crowd.
- In one of the most original finishes of all-time, Shawn Michaels got his foot stuck in the ring ropes after being shoved off the ladder, only to release himself and get his arm promptly stuck, allowing Razor to pick up the victory. Like all great wrestling matches, though, nobody views this in a winner-loser context these days, as both men combined equally to put on a legendary bout that only enhanced both's reputations.
- Back to the Presidential box and this time Clinton was confronted by Ted DiBiase, who said that "Everyone's got a price for the Million Dollar Man". 'Clinton' replied by saying he didn't want to take any political questions. But he didn't ask you a question? Somehow he comes off doing a better impersonation of George W Bush than Bill Clinton.
- Meanwhile, WWE tried to big up Bret Hart for his Championship match by giving him a Rocky-like montage. This, of course, featured a close-up black-and-white shot of an elderly man (his father Stu) shouting motivational stuff at him at the kitchen table, then a lot of slowed-down then speeded-up footage of him doing moves and cheesy gestures to camera. They also gave Yokozuna his share, meaning a lot of shots of him sitting on people looking evil. It's pretty much as bad as you're imagining right now.
WWE Championship Match: Bret Hart over Yokozuna to win WWE Championship
- Because there hadn't been enough awkward celeb cameos thus far, WWE decided to give Burt Reynolds a try as guest ring announcer in front of an unimpressed MSG crowd. Nope, these people either hadn't seen or cared for 'Deliverence' or 'Smokey and the Bandit'. But you know what movie they had seen? 'They Live', as they went crazy for the surprise introduction of special guest referee, 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper. Reynolds decided to editorialise during Bret's intro, saying "Hailing from Montreal, Canada, and in my opinion the greatest wrestler in the world today. You know, that gets thrown out a lot, certainly Ric Flair would have a case for it, Shawn Michaels is unstoppable right now too...I mean did you see that match just there?!" Shut up Burt Reynolds.
- Fortunately, Yokozuna jumped Bret at the bell and Reynolds promptly took his queue.
- For such a big lad, Yokozuna sure had a weakness for fairly rudimentary stuff like forearms and axe handles. But I'll tell you what: nobody could miss an easy standing headbutt to a prone opponent, fall right on his face and take it like a champ as much as that guy.
- Piper's refereeing style was as unique as his personality. When trying to admonish an opponent, he'd simply start shouting numbers regardless of whether they were breaking rules or not. "Get back and I'll count him out," he says to Yoko at one stage. "Get back or I'll...1, 2, 3, 4..."
- Refereeing isn't an easy job, though, as even the best can find out. Two close near falls were ruined by Piper finding himself in a quandary that every beginner trainee who's learning how to ref finds himself in: it's not natural to just stop your hand counting down when a guy lifts his shoulder up. Do it wrong and it looks like you just suffered a temporary bout of amnesia, as the crowd think "Huh?!" as if a mess-up has happened. So it kinda spoiled two convincing near falls that Hart had towards the end.
- Eventually Yokozuna got back on top, ascending to the second rope in an attempt to hit a Banzai Drop. Unfortunately he paused to celebrate and fell on his head. All of a sudden, Bret Hart is the WWE Champion and a new era in pro-wrestling is born. Look, sometimes it doesn't matter how new eras are born, the end result is all that matters. If we had Sky News while watching The Berlin Wall being ripped down we'd have probably flicked because, at the end of the day, no matter how momentous it is, it's still a wall being ripped down. So I'm fine with forgetting all about that finish and focusing on the positive.
- After the bell, Yokozuna went to chase Piper for counting the three. Fortunately for Piper, Yoko only ran that fast for a buffet line, so he escaped.
- Bret gets up to celebrate with his newly-won belt, only to find Lex Luger standing in the ring behind him. The two shake hands and the steroid era of pro-wrestling is officially over. Afterwards the entire good guy locker room empties as Bret celebrates with Luger, Razor Ramon, Savage, Piper, Gorilla Monsoon and Burt Reynolds, as his brother Owen looked on from the sidelines. Jealous brother at ringside or not, if I was Bret I'd still be thinking, "Man, how cool is it that Burt freaking Reynolds is here to see my big moment?"
And there you have it. Look, let's not let nostalgia get in the way of common sense: most of that was awful. There were two all-time classics and an important historical turning point for pro-wrestling to round it off, so WrestleMania X will always go down as important in the annals of pro-wrestling. But moreso than being one of the great WrestleManias, it's more an interesting snapshot right into a transitional phase in WWE's timeline. Hogan was gone, there was no instant heir able to sit on his throne so, in the vacuum that came with the departure of the company's first true mega-star under Vince McMahon Jr, they turned to throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what stuck. A lot of stuff didn't: Randy Savage's perfect streak of WrestleMania classic matches was not only ended, it was left in tatters thanks to an unworkable match concept.
But gradually WWE started to follow the stuff that hit. This led to Shawn Michaels' and Bret Hart's long-standing in- and out-of-ring feud. That begat Stone Cold Steve Austin and WWE's most popular period. So ultimately it was worth sitting through the crap.
Join me next week to find out how the lay of the land was a decade later, at WWE's next big milestone: WrestleMania XX. And if you know how that ended, then yeah, a column making jokes about it could get awkward, fast.
Rick Nash is a former independent pro-wrestler and currently runs WWE Parties Ireland, who present the WWE WrestleMania 30 Party @ Woolshed Baa & Grill on Sunday 6th April. Limited tickets still available (click the link for full info). Check out an ad below for a preview of what's in store!
WWE Championship Match: Bret Hart over Yokozuna to win WWE Championship
- Because there hadn't been enough awkward celeb cameos thus far, WWE decided to give Burt Reynolds a try as guest ring announcer in front of an unimpressed MSG crowd. Nope, these people either hadn't seen or cared for 'Deliverence' or 'Smokey and the Bandit'. But you know what movie they had seen? 'They Live', as they went crazy for the surprise introduction of special guest referee, 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper. Reynolds decided to editorialise during Bret's intro, saying "Hailing from Montreal, Canada, and in my opinion the greatest wrestler in the world today. You know, that gets thrown out a lot, certainly Ric Flair would have a case for it, Shawn Michaels is unstoppable right now too...I mean did you see that match just there?!" Shut up Burt Reynolds.
- Fortunately, Yokozuna jumped Bret at the bell and Reynolds promptly took his queue.
- For such a big lad, Yokozuna sure had a weakness for fairly rudimentary stuff like forearms and axe handles. But I'll tell you what: nobody could miss an easy standing headbutt to a prone opponent, fall right on his face and take it like a champ as much as that guy.
- Piper's refereeing style was as unique as his personality. When trying to admonish an opponent, he'd simply start shouting numbers regardless of whether they were breaking rules or not. "Get back and I'll count him out," he says to Yoko at one stage. "Get back or I'll...1, 2, 3, 4..."
- Refereeing isn't an easy job, though, as even the best can find out. Two close near falls were ruined by Piper finding himself in a quandary that every beginner trainee who's learning how to ref finds himself in: it's not natural to just stop your hand counting down when a guy lifts his shoulder up. Do it wrong and it looks like you just suffered a temporary bout of amnesia, as the crowd think "Huh?!" as if a mess-up has happened. So it kinda spoiled two convincing near falls that Hart had towards the end.
- Eventually Yokozuna got back on top, ascending to the second rope in an attempt to hit a Banzai Drop. Unfortunately he paused to celebrate and fell on his head. All of a sudden, Bret Hart is the WWE Champion and a new era in pro-wrestling is born. Look, sometimes it doesn't matter how new eras are born, the end result is all that matters. If we had Sky News while watching The Berlin Wall being ripped down we'd have probably flicked because, at the end of the day, no matter how momentous it is, it's still a wall being ripped down. So I'm fine with forgetting all about that finish and focusing on the positive.
- After the bell, Yokozuna went to chase Piper for counting the three. Fortunately for Piper, Yoko only ran that fast for a buffet line, so he escaped.
- Bret gets up to celebrate with his newly-won belt, only to find Lex Luger standing in the ring behind him. The two shake hands and the steroid era of pro-wrestling is officially over. Afterwards the entire good guy locker room empties as Bret celebrates with Luger, Razor Ramon, Savage, Piper, Gorilla Monsoon and Burt Reynolds, as his brother Owen looked on from the sidelines. Jealous brother at ringside or not, if I was Bret I'd still be thinking, "Man, how cool is it that Burt freaking Reynolds is here to see my big moment?"
And there you have it. Look, let's not let nostalgia get in the way of common sense: most of that was awful. There were two all-time classics and an important historical turning point for pro-wrestling to round it off, so WrestleMania X will always go down as important in the annals of pro-wrestling. But moreso than being one of the great WrestleManias, it's more an interesting snapshot right into a transitional phase in WWE's timeline. Hogan was gone, there was no instant heir able to sit on his throne so, in the vacuum that came with the departure of the company's first true mega-star under Vince McMahon Jr, they turned to throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what stuck. A lot of stuff didn't: Randy Savage's perfect streak of WrestleMania classic matches was not only ended, it was left in tatters thanks to an unworkable match concept.
But gradually WWE started to follow the stuff that hit. This led to Shawn Michaels' and Bret Hart's long-standing in- and out-of-ring feud. That begat Stone Cold Steve Austin and WWE's most popular period. So ultimately it was worth sitting through the crap.
Join me next week to find out how the lay of the land was a decade later, at WWE's next big milestone: WrestleMania XX. And if you know how that ended, then yeah, a column making jokes about it could get awkward, fast.
Rick Nash is a former independent pro-wrestler and currently runs WWE Parties Ireland, who present the WWE WrestleMania 30 Party @ Woolshed Baa & Grill on Sunday 6th April. Limited tickets still available (click the link for full info). Check out an ad below for a preview of what's in store!
