The Updated Ranking Of England Rugby Names In Order Of Poshness

The Updated Ranking Of England Rugby Names In Order Of Poshness

Forget about all those rugby league converts, we're looking at the blue bloods of English rugby. These are the kind of names Twickers aficionados want to see on the teamsheet.

15. Joe Launchbury

His background belies the poshness of his name. Formerly a shelf stacker at Sainsbury's.

Sounds like: The captain of the victorious Oxford team in the boat race.


14. Peter Winterbottom

A celebrated English flanker who played from the early 80s until the early 90s. Almost took Ollie Campbell's head off in the lead-in to Ginger McLoughlin's try in Twickenham in '82, his debut season.


Sounds like: The Tory candidate for the seat of Chipping-Barnet


13. Luke Cowan-Dickie

An Exeter Chiefs hooker who made his debut in the closing moments of the England-France humdinger in Twickenham last Spring.

Sounds like: The illicit lover of a Tudor monarch



12. Tom Croft

Another deep-voiced born-to-rule type who has put in a raft of impressive performances in an England jersey since the late 2000s.

Sounds like: Kate Middleton's previous boyfriend



11. Richard Wigglesworth


Scrum half in his early 30s, he enjoyed his best run in the national side in the 2008 Six Nations championship.

Sounds like: A high-ranking army official


10. Delon Armitage

Toulon and England full back who is liable to get drawn into Twitter spats and who delights in winding up opponents.

Sounds like: A party boy who inherited a business from his austere father and then drove it into the ground.



9. Harry Ellis

Harry is a popular name among the English middle and upper classes and very few folk from Peckham have boasted the surname Ellis.

Sounds like: A well-spoken lad in a boy band


8. Louis Deacon


Long-standing Leicester lock who made occasional appearances for the national side between 2005 and 2011. Announced his retirement earlier this year after lengthy injury problems.

Sounds like: The Head Boy at a private school


7. Olly Barkley

The Bath out half who stood out at club level but was never dominating enough to win international matches for England.

Sounds like: The posh lad who wins Britain's Got Talent



6. Hugh Vyvyan

Full name is Hugh Donnithorne Vyvyan, he scored a try in his one and only cap for England against Canada in 2004. Won the 2011 Premiership with Saracens.

Sounds like: A member of the Bullingdon Club, whose only source of fame in later life is being interviewed about the Bullingdon Club for Channel 4 documentaries.


5. Sam Vesty


Full name is Samuel Brook Vesty and it's not just his name that is posh. Rugby is in his blood. His ancestors also played rugger for England. Posh as they come.

Sounds like: A clergyman in the Church of England


4. James Simpson-Daniel

An inoffensive winger with Gloucester who made fleeting appearances in Grade B matches for England.


Sounds like: A member of the Royal Guard



3. William Wesley Twelvetrees

The centre is the owner of a famous nickname, rugby's answer to 'One Size' (the sobriquet given to veteran defender Fitz Hall). Twelvetrees is known as 36.

Sounds like: A British missionary who travelled to Africa in the early 19th century in order to foist Christianity on the natives.


Billy Twelvetrees

2. Phil de Glanville

An England centre who battled Jeremy Guscott and Will Carling for a place in the 1990s. Worked as the Englishman on the RTE panel when RTE went looking for foreigners.

Sounds like: An English nobleman executed in Elizabethan times. Or one of Strongbow's comrades when the landed in Ireland in 1169.


1. Perry Freshwater

In western parts, he is known to all and sundry as Perry Uisce Beatha, aka, Perry Whiskey.

Sounds like: A bumbling toff in a PG Wodehouse novel

See also: The Best GAA Names Of All Time

Conor Neville
Article written by
Perennial finalist in stand-up comedy competitions and former Contract Lawyer/ Coal Salesman with Corless, Corless and Sweeney

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