We're back once again with the best jokes we've read this week. As always they're a mixture of some we've found on the internet and some of the funniest ones you've sent us over the last seven days. Think you can do better? Make sure to send them to us below.
I’d like to start with the chimney jokes...
I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.
Hat-tip: Tim Vine
Four engineers are arguing in the pub about which type of engineer God was...
The mechanical engineer says "It's obvious that God was a mechanical engineer. Just look at the bone structure and how the muscles, ligaments and tendons allow us to move..."
The electrical engineer cuts him off and says "Clearly he was an electrical engineer with all the nerves interconnecting with the brain...."
The chemical engineer cries out "Surely he was a chemical engineer. Just look how the blood network is set up, wih heart to pump the flow, liver to clean it etc...."
All the while the civil engineer is very quiet in the corner. Finally when everyone else has stopped arguing he say "You're all wrong, God was a civil engineer, who else would design a waste treatment plant through a recreational area!?"
Sent to us by: Anonymous
Why was the washing machine laughing?
Cos it was taking the piss out of a pair of knickers.
Sent to us by: Whacker
The nurse at the sperm bank told me I masturbate in a cup...
I told her "I'm good buy I'm not sure I'm ready to compete."
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job...
But when I got home all the signs were there.
My wife says I only have 2 faults...
I don't listen and some other rubbish she was rattling on about.
Sent to us by: Noddy Barry