Each week, we at The Rewind bring some of the best jokes from the internet. They're stupid, they're ridiculous but they definitely made us laugh. If you have a joke you'd love to get featured then let us know at the bottom of the piece!
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption...
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Three years ago my doctor said I was going deaf...
I haven't heard from him since.
An old man was trying to cross the road...
Every time he stepped out, "Vroom!" a car would speed by.
He tried again ... "Vroom!" Another a car sped by.
Eventually someone walking along took pity on him and said "Excuse me sir, but there's a zebra crossing just down the road."
The old man replied "Well I hope he's having better luck than me!"
First told by the late great Dave Allen
Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true?
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says...
“You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay.
“So the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks,
“Do I have to take them every day?”
No,” replies the doctor, “take one on the Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on the Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that.
“Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street, and he sees the patient’s wife.“Hello Mrs Murphy,” he says, “how’s your husband?”
“Oh he died of a heart attack,” says Mrs Murphy.
“I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be all right.”
“Oh the tablets were fine,” says Mrs Murphy,
“It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!”
A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."
The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."
Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"