The weather has taken a turn. Summer looks like it has been consigned to the past, and that leaves us with a big question on our hands. When should you turn on the heating?
Some of you will have already given in. Others may still be holding out; eternally hopeful that things will turn again and there will be an Indian summer. Either way, it's the same process we all go through every year. These are the eight stages of turning on the heating in Ireland.
Stage 1: Sure it's only September!
The first stage centres around ignoring the temperature and instead focusing on the time of year. It doesn't matter if it's pissing rain and your nose has turned blue, sure it's still summer.
Stage 2: Put a jumper on
"I'm cold. Should we turn on the heating?" "Sure it's no wonder you're cold, going around in string top and pair of shorts. Throw on a jumper and there'll not be a bother on you."
Stage 3: Any throw-overs knocking about?
Remember when the couch would be one fifth couch, four fifths blankets and throwovers? They're back, baby. And they're bringing friends.
Stage 4: Irrational denial
We shall endeavor to persevere. Sure it's only cold now. Maybe come night time it'll warm up. It's the sun that's causing all the cold.
Stage 5: The negotiation
Not so much a negotation between two people but an internal negotiation each person has with their own conscience. Perhaps turning on the heating wouldn't be so bad? Maybe it won't bring about the end of the world?
Stage 6: What if we put it on for just an hour?
AKA the stage of delusion. Ah yes, the one hour rule. It'll be grand. We'll put it on now and then we'll be warm and won't need it again for weeks. Sure we're only putting it on to try dry some clothes more than anything.
Stage 7: The airlock
Hang on, did we check if we have oil?
Stage 8: Acceptance
The one hour idea was just a pipe dream. You're committed now. The heating will be on forever and it'll be Christmas before you know it. Just accept it and try not to burn your arse off the radiator.
Well, what do you think? Is it time to given in and accept the inevitable?
Big debate going in homes around the country. Time to put on the heating?
— Balls.ie (@ballsdotie) September 24, 2020
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