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Stuttgart Manager Bans Headphones - For One Very, Very Strange Reason...

Conor Neville
By Conor Neville
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Devotees of the BBC comedy 'The Thick Of It' will recall the travails of Labour party stalwart Geoff Holhurst, whose perceived ambitions towards higher office were always thwarted by his disproportionately small head.

Geoff's miniature sized cranium was quite the talking point around Armando Iannucci's fictional Westminster, and this fatal weakness was oft alluded to by Malcolm Tucker who once advised Geoff not to worry his 'pretty little head' about something, assuring him afterwards that 'little' was the operative word in that sentence and that 'pretty' was not.

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Well, VfB Stuttgart manager Alexander Zorniger is a man practically bursting with empathy towards those poorly endowed in the head size department.

He has at last grasped the nettle and banned headphones altogether, on the grounds that they do not flatter those forced to carry the cross of a small head. No more listens to Al Pacino's speech on the way to the gamev for Stuttgart players.

Here, Zorniger elaborated on the reasons behind the long overdue ban.

The players are allowed to wear headphones on the team bus, but not in public.

There's a visual reason for this - a 5"5 small player looks ridiculous when the headphones are as large as the whole head.

The reasoning behind Zorniger's curious evangelism on the behalf of the small headed population remains opaque and surely warrants further investigation.

Read more: Gary Neville Reveals How He's Treated By Liverpool And City Fans Since He Became A Pundit

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