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The 7 Kinds Of Hogan Stand Commenter You Will Invariably Come Across On Each Visit

The 7 Kinds Of Hogan Stand Commenter You Will Invariably Come Across On Each Visit
Conor Neville
By Conor Neville
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Last year's Clare county board AGM was almost entirely devoted to the evils of the online forum. The now defunct 'An Fear Rua' took a pasting as did the recently established 'Clare hurlers forum'.

Indeed, the entire internet was abused in Clare that night. One could conclude that Tim Berners-Lee is the man most responsible for the negative coverage that the Clare hurlers have attracted in the past two years.

Then county board chairman and non-Balls.ie reader Michael McDonagh very much set the tone when he said.

Some people hide behind social media and say what they like. They are anonymous. I know nothing about it. I was never on a website or a computer in my life.

That may be so. But not all online commenters are spiteful, anti-social trolls.

A modest tribute to the characters one is inclined when you visit a GAA forum, of which Hogan Stand is the most universal and well known.

The lad who reacts to every defeat by calling for a total clearout

No setback, however modest, can be allowed pass by without calls for extremely radical surgery from this individual. This man will not hear tell of the notion that salvation can be arrived at by altering one or two pieces on the jigsaw.

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You've got to throw out the whole lot and start again.

Chances are, the alternative lads may not have the talent of the lads he wants replaced but this is all the more reason to draft them in since they will thus invariably be in possession of greater heart.

In forum world, lack of talent always = greater heart.

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The lad who blames every defeat on the fact that the home ground is in the wrong place

A constant bugbear for some counties and a dimension that is often missed by the uncomprehending national media. We don't wish to single out examples but suffice to say, some people are extremely miffed that Tuam and Birr no longer hold inter-county matches.

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The 'won't someone think of the intermediate clubs' lad
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During any Hogan Stand inquest, this man will offer an alternative XV of players from intermediate clubs. These players, he reasons, are being constantly screwed over by the tyranny of the big clubs and the laziness and snobbery of the management in refusing to look beyond said big clubs.

The lad who always seems to be in possession of some insider info

Suspiciously well briefed on internal matters, he is a source of endless gossip. Usually the originator of 'dressing room incident' stories.

These dressing room incident stories are a staple of every post-All-Ireland final defeat inquest. Some cynics with a keen nose for history are now inclined to doubt their veracity.

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Responding to lurid rumours that a dressing room incident may have cost one team dearly in a very, very big match last year, one sceptical observers chipped in with the comment, '1981 called and it wants its rumours back'.

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The lad whose primary activity is visiting the forum pages of other counties and trolling their supporters

A jeering invader from another county, he likes to intrude onto other forums with bullish denunciations of the team in question, all the more so if they are playing his own team.

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If his prediction falls flat on its face and his team loses, then the victims of his prior trolling become desperate to hear more from him.

He will either take a vow of silence or else he will weigh in once more. Usually, the ability of such characters to brazen things out is almost Trump-like in its impressiveness.

The lad who responds to every referee appointment by saying that their team may as well not turn up as a result

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He attaches great importance to the identity of the referee and usually regards the chosen man as a cause for great concern.

He will likely instance the various times down the years that said ref has screwed them over.  Waterford '09,  Tipperary '2011', etc...

The beacon of positivity

Generous-hearted if not exactly very entertaining, this individual restricts his contributions to happy-clappy, politically acceptable messages of the type that a local councillor might come out with.

Common utterances include 'Well done to the players and management for their efforts all year!' and 'Best of luck lads! Keep her lit!'

 

Read more: KNEEJERK: Our Controversial Columnist Was Furious At RTE Yesterday

 

 

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