If you want a vision of the future, imagine Wayne Rooney woodenly reciting lines in an attempt to sell us things, forever. The once venerable footballing institution of Manchester United have recently turned into a machine of propaganda, with players and ex-players tweeting about how utterly brilliant various Hollywood blockbusters are, regardless of whether they are or not.
This is a result of a promotion deal with 20th Century Fox, and thus are not likely to be the genuine opinions of those involved. (Such organised advertising should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with United's Paddy Crerand).
United are willing to go to extreme lengths to satisfy the demands of these commercial partners, including actually painting a child blue:
Our young X-Men mascots are getting ready to accompany the players onto the pitch this eve… https://t.co/zPaz8W4qEg pic.twitter.com/PaC1tme5Ua
— MUSC South Africa (@MUSCSA) May 17, 2016
It is important not to understate the extent to which United have sold out here: they have gifted a young child their dream to be a squad mascot, and then somebody genuinely turned to this child and told them that the club envisaged this young fan as a mutant.
The latest marketing tie-in is with the movie Independence Day: Resurgence, with Wayne Rooney, Daley Blind, Ashley Young, Chris Smalling and Juan Mata appearing in a heavily green-screened commercial with Jeff Goldblum. It is utterly appalling:
United v aliens – we know who we’re backing! #IndependenceDay https://t.co/nV5MVDpGn3
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) June 14, 2016
Here are x things we learned:
There is no excuse for Wayne Rooney's wooden acting
Wayne Rooney was cast in the role as the inspirational leader without a hint of irony, but his delivery was more tightly rehearsed than Louis Van Gaal's attack. There is no reason why Rooney could not speak from the heart. Independence Day: Resurgent surrounds the unwanted arrival of an alien figure seeking to impose their strict rule upon others. Rooney should connect with this: it sounds a lot like Louis Van Gaal's reign at United.
Chris Smalling has matured
Look at Smalling, adequately dressed for a man who is about to fly a plane. His sartorial decisions have undoubtedly improved:
He has either matured, or else has been under strict wardrobe control.
Listing trophies could be the least inspiring rallying call of all time
'They may take our lives, but they will never take our 20 COMMUNITY SHIELDS'.
It wouldn't exactly have us running through walls.
They briefly had a good gag but failed to make most of it
Jeff Goldblum mispronouncing Daley Blind was reasonably entertaining, but to then repeat the joke is unforgivable. Goldblum could have had a 'blind leading the blind' gag. They can have that one for free.
United fans generally took against it
Of all the responses to the Manchester United film trailer, this takes the biscuit... pic.twitter.com/Hxe5LYMp6B
— Archie Rhind-Tutt (@archiert1) June 14, 2016
The response among United support was largely vitriolic, surprisingly not pleased wth United's most attacking formation all season.
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