So an Irish daughter has recorded her dad watching the Man United - Fulham draw last Saturday, with the added bonus of a swearword counter at the bottom of the screen.
It's a bit like a David Attenbrough documentary, as we watch, quite literally, the armchair fan in his natural habitat.
Not exactly a Jonathan Wilson, his tactical observations are mundane but still valid nonetheless. He bemoans the fact that "fuckin none of them are getting to the ball at all", though he does point out United's head-bangingly relentless strategy of sending in cross after cross for Fulham's lanky back four to deal with. His most accurate observation is one the viewer might miss in the aftermath of United's equaliser - Michael Carrick is indeed "a stockin' of shite."
He does, however, excel as a true connoisseur of profanity. The quaint, almost old-fashioned "fuckin' sausage" is something of a stock insult, while "dozy pinheads" probably hasn't seen the light of day since around 1956. Most surreal, though is "horse whisperer", which seems to be directed at David Moyes.
Not averse to modern, foreign influences either, he manages to slip in an "asswipe" - an Americanism which not many Dublin dads would have the confidence to add to their already extensive repertoire of obscenity.
Most curious of all, though, is the decision of the uploader to use asterisks to turn Fuck into Fu*k, and so on, while allowing the full range of expletives to be broadcast un-bleeped, except for when she bleeps out two C-bombs (that means cunt, by the way) in the latter stages of the match. The horse-whisperin' sausage.
Compare his Argentine counterpart from a few years back.