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Introducing The Golden Balls - The Balls.ie Premier League Awards 2015/16

Introducing The Golden Balls - The Balls.ie Premier League Awards 2015/16
By Gavin Cooney Updated

With the Premier League ending this weekend, it is time to hand out the Golden Balls, our end of season Premier League awards.

Player of the Season - Wes Morgan

The defender was released by Notts County in 2001, and signed a part-time contract with non-league Dunkirk in the Central Midland League and began to study to become an accountant.His coach at Dunkirk secured Morgan a trial with Nottingham Forest, where he was offered a contract on the proviso he would lose weight. Morgan lost two and a half stone, and became a mainstay of the Forest team before joining Leicester in 2012. He has ascended the league with Leicester and now sits atop the Premier League as champion, looking down on the multitudinous leagues he has grafted in. Will be the burliest man in the Champions League next season.

Manager of the Season - Claudio Ranieri

It had to be. Honourable mentions for Pochettino, Klopp, Eddie Howe, Slaven Bilic and Big Sam.

Game of the Season - Chelsea 2-2 Tottenham

An honourable mention for Liverpool 5-4 Norwich, Leicester's win at the Etihad and Arsenal's home win against Leicester, but the game of the season was the one which gave Leicester City the league title. Spurs led 2-0 against Chelsea, who were provoked into playing well for the first time in months out of sheer spite. Spurs had a record nine players get booked in a game that pushed the needle for erm, needle.

Moment of the Season - Louis Van Gaal

While some may argue this moment belongs to a Leicester player, we think it has to go to Louis Van Gaal for his touchline dive against Arsenal. Give him the job for life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBmVLpzFhtY

Photograph of the Season - Jose Mourinho

Two candidates here, both showing men basking in the schadenfreude offered by Jose Mourinho's difficult season:

 

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The Jose Mourinho Award for Taking Pressure off Your Players Through Outrageous Actions - Jose Mourinho

The excuse/explanation for Jose Mourinho's antics in the media and elsewhere for more than a decade has been that these have been the cunning acts of a man who is simply taking pressure off his players. This, presumably, is why Mourinho had a total breakdown of character and principle this season, The season began with a weird attack on Rafa Benitez' wife for her husband being overweight and reached a nadir on the opening day, with the astonishing attack on Eva Carneiro. Mourinho also criticised his own fans, and ultimately ended up throwing his players under the bus he had once parked, melodramatically declaring that he feel his work "has been betrayed". Mourinho's meltdown has been one of the most intriguing and bizarre storylines of this season.

The Manchester United-Branded Tractor Award For Worst Club Tat Of The Season - West Ham

In retrospect, these may have been sold as a safety device to prevent the throwing of bottles at a team bus.

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The 'Way The Modern Game Has Gone' Award For Crass Ignorance - Joleon Lescott

Lescott was part of the Aston Villa team who were hammered 6-0 by Liverpool in a performance so inept and disinterested it became perversely impressive. In the aftermath, Lescott then tweeted a picture of his expensive supercar, which was extremely ignorant of him. Had he tweeted a Nissan Micra, it would have been okay. Lescott was later forced to say  that he had accidentally tweeted from his pocket. This forced backtrack was about as defensively aware as Lescott became all season.

The Richard Keys Award For Top B****r - Stoke City

The perfect response, etc.

The Danny Drinkwater Pictured Drinking Water Award For Metaphor Of The Season - Manchester United

Tottenham's game against Manchester United was delayed as the United team bus struggled to pass forward through traffic.

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Comparison Of The Season - Jonathan Liew, The Telegraph

Liew takes Barney Ronay's crown with this description of Big Sam:

Stat Of The Season - Stoke City/Duncan Alexander of Opta

The Kevin Keegan Award For Memorable Post-Game Interview - Louis Van Gaal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PHO2ch2IR4

Hair pulling and 'sex masochism'.

The Moon Landing Award For A Terrible Hoax - Ryan Giggs To Celtic

It all kicked off in February, that Ryan Giggs didn't turn up to a United game because he was about to take over as Celtic manager. Read the full story here.

DISCLAIMER: The moon landing was real.

The Alan Partridge Award For Bearing Grudges In The Hope To Have The Last Laugh - Alan Pardew

In his programme notes ahead of their game against Leicester City, Pardew was refusing to let go of Liverpool's penalty against Palace in the final minute of their previous Premier League game, and did his best to take away from Leicester's season. Like Partridge fighting with farmers on Radio Norfolk.

The Ken Livingstone Award For Bizarre Moment On The BBC - Mark Lawrenson And Charlie Adam

Both occurred on Match of the Day. Mark Lawrenson said the word penis:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyJG4kyDO6c

and Charlie Adam turned up in this jumper:

The Fleet Street Award for Sub-Editing Of The Year - The Mirror

Upon the news that Mr.Chelsea would be leaving Chelsea.

The 'Rock Bottom' Award For Video Editing of the Year - Whoever made this 

Stirring.

The Microcosm Of The Year Award - Steve McClaren

Newcastle have been relegated, and this sums it all up.

The Morrissey Award for Being Melancholic in Manchester - Manuel Pelligrini

God, what a tough watch.

The Arsene Wenger Award For Arsene Wenger Gif Of The Season - Arsene Wenger

This should, by right, replace the gif of Wenger throwing down that bottle of water in frustration. Taken during Arsenal's 3-3 draw at Anfield.

Tweets of the Season

Some strong competition here:

Dele Alli

A couple of pictures say a hell of a lot more than a thousand words.

Frankie Boyle

Tweeted on the January transfer deadline day.

Paul O'Keefe

Tweeted after the Capital Cup One Final, in which Willy Caballero justified his selection in a penalty shoot-out win against Leicester.

Whoever came up with this

It's impossible to find the original source of this gag which summed up the absurdity of the Leicester City season.

Pete Gibbins

When cliches become meta.

Jamie Carragher

Upon Gary Neville's move to Valencia.

This Arsenal fan

Imagine the loops. Imagine.

The St. Pauli Award For Football Hipster of the Season - Michael Owen

Owen liked Christmas before any of the corporations got on it.

The Eric Cantona Award For Response To Abuse From Crowd - Mesut Ozil 

The Jamie Redknapp Award For Incisive Analysis Award - Jamie Redknapp

Top, top,top work.

The Leicester City Award For Unlikely Premier League Winners - Watford

Watford have come up from the Championship, stayed up and have sacked their manager against public opinion. Put your money down now.

See Also: Presenting The First Annual Balls.ie Football Punditry Awards

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