Typical conversation between jersey puller and concerned friend.
- 'Why d'ya shift him, he's rotten looking..'
- 'He's county'
- 'Yeah fair enough'
Roughly defined, a jersey puller is a girl who either courts high profile GAA lads or spends their nights out shifting their way through the panel.
But don't judge them too harshly. We've all been there. Ordinarily he's a strong four, but when he's in a GAA jersey he magically becomes a nine out of ten. And sure enough you'll steal a kiss off him at some point in the nightclub.
Sounds simple doesn't it? Well it's not. Jersey pulling is not something for the weekend - it's a way of life. Actually it's more like a vocation.
So now ladies, it's time to spit on the hard work of all those female activists who fought for our right to be independent, and follow our definitive guide on how to be a top jersey puller.
First Rule Of Jersey Pulling - Don't Talk About Jersey Pulling
Before you can ever begin seeking out a GAA lad, you must learn to appreciate this philosophy. You must never admit to being a jersey puller and if you ever break this rule, you automatically lose your jersey puller license. And you also lose the respect of all your fellow pullers.
I Actually Really Like GAA Too
Just because you've never been to a game before doesn't mean you can't lob the gob on a player. In fact, the typical jersey puller hasn't got a clue either so you're in safe company. Generic comments such as 'I used to play Gaelic football in school' or 'Oh my God that goal you scored was great' will probably work. And because he's keen on you too, he'll be super impressed with your completely basic knowledge of the sport.
Tan, Skirt, Make-Up
You've heard of gym, tan, laundry and look how well it served the Jersey Shore lads? This simple three part routine will ensure that you get your outfit on point for your county beau. After all, this man is shattered after a tough day on the pitch so you don't have time for jeans and a top if you want to get his attention. His face might look like a slapped arse, but that doesn't mean yours can.
Beware Of The Subs
The only jersey wearing lads worth your time are the ones with numbers 1-15 on their back. Ideally the captain should be your first preference. If this fails, proceed to the vice-captain, then the player of the match and so on. If you find yourself isolated with lads wearing numbers above 15 then you are among the rejects of the team and a monumental failure as a jersey puller. Please consider relocating to Cuba immediately.
We Actually Get On Really Well
Congratulations! You have survived the journey to jersey puller paradise. And now that you've secured that girlfriend status with a county star you can occupy yourself with delusions that ye actually get on really well. He likes Home and Away, you like Home And Away - why the hell didn't ye get together sooner.
Refer To Yourself Only As Their Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Now that your clutches are firmly in, you don't need your name anymore. Just simply identify yourself as an associate of your new partner on the county team and note how people suddenly start taking you more seriously.
So there you have it. Find out what date your county final is on and make sure to hit all the relevant pubs and clubs in the aftermath. Best of luck!